"This Time When I Say Dig Up Some Suspects, I MEAN DIG!" Ridge said

Washington, D.C. (AP) Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge announced early this morning that troops, police and 300 hastily deputized Boy Scouts had surrounded a Washington D.C. landmark after documents discovered in a raid on a Richmond, Virginia, bookstore suggested an imminent attack on President Bush.

"A trove of letters seized at the Old Confederacy Memorabilia Bookshop gives strong evidence that a conspiracy against our Maximum Leader has been in the works for nearly 150 years," Ridge said. "FBI handwriting experts are going through the documents even as we speak. They are written in a spidery hand obviously designed to disguise their contents, and not every detail is clear at the moment. But notes were made by a Mr. 'J. Wilts Boot' noting curtain times and location of concession stands at D.C.'s Ford Theatre. I think if Mr. Boot persists in his plan, he will be in for a nasty surprise."

Boot and co-conspirators in Arab garb

Arabs, homosexuals may run, can't hide, says Scout sharpshooter

Had Ridge not acted swiftly was this the plan?