Monday, August 24, 2009

Letting Go of Mother

Painful to talk to E in Florida. Well, they could put a feeding tube in Mom's stomach, but she's so weak the doctor at rehab doubts the surgeons would do it, though they might consent to do it without an anesthetic....

And when asked if it's likely a feeding tube would increase Mom's strength to the point Mom might start eating on her own -- and just maybe get enough strength to go home -- well, probably not, the doc said. So why are we talking about the fucking feeding tube?

E's sister Esther, their mother's caregiver these last six years, told the doctor, "But the tests show her liver is fine." The doctor said it's not this organ or that organ, it's the whole body, having soldiered its way for 98+ years on the farm, six years in Africa in the bush flirting with martyrdom for God's sake and always working, always working, she has a right to be worn out.

I'm far away from it all, complaining it's back to school, but glad for the excuse.. It's easy for me to say that Mom is in pain and I think also in woe. So step back and let her go peacefully. But she's Mom but not my Mom, so it's easy for me to say.

Such woe in E's voice. What to say? Come home. That's what I want to say. Come home. That would solve my problem but nobody else's.

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