Friday, March 25, 2005

King Kennesaw Mountain Solomon Speaks Ex Cathedra

All you little grasshoppers who have followed the steroids/Balco/homerun/McGwire/Bonds/Amway affair will immediately know what I'm talking about.

(And congratulations to all you high school students preparing for your SATs who noted that Amway does not belong in the preceding grouping. And special congratulations to all you high school students who have no idea what I'm talking about. You realize how well this bodes for those SATs?)

Q: Should Mark McGwire be voted into the baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown?

A: Yes. But not in his first year of eligibility, which would have been the case before Mr. McGwire Goes to Washington. The panel of sportswriters who cast HOF ballots should vote against him until his final year of eligibility.

Q: But isn't this self-serving in that every year he fails to get enough votes to enter the hall that failure will generate stories, columns and call-ins to call-in shows that will benefit the great world of sports writing and sports commentary?

A: Certainly. I'm Kennesaw Mountain Solomon, not Kennesaw Mountain Jesus.

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