The Nigerian Newspaper Scam

LAGOS, NIGERIA.

ATTENTION: PUBLISHER SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE

DEAR SIR,

CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL

HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY BOB WOODWARD AND CARL BERNSTEIN AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY THROUGH THE GOOGLE EARTH, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) WORTH OF CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING INTO YOUR NEWSPAPER. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS (2) AGO BY A FOREIGN PERSON SELLING A USED CAMPING STOVE, A FUTON IN THE ORIGINAL PACKAGINGS AND 47,500,000 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND) GRATEFUL DEAD T-SHIRTS, IN THE XXL. THIS ACTION WAS, HOWEVER, INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE CLASSIFIED ADS HAVE BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.

WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT BECAUSE OF THE WALL BETWEEN AD SALES AND EDITORIAL, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO MOVE THE CLASSIFIED ADS INTO OUR NEWSPAPER; (WE HAVE CHECKED THE GRATEFUL DEAD T-SHIRTS ARE STILL AVAILABLE. BUT NOT THE CAMPING STOVE OR THE FUTON IN ORIGINAL PACKAGINGS.) THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% CLASSIFIED ADS FOR SAN FRANCICO CHRONICLE, 25% FOR LOU DOBBS SUBSCRIPTION NEWSLETTER TO KEEP THIS QUIET, 5 % FOR LONELY GIRL LAGOS ON YOUTUBE BECAUSE SHE MAKES US SO SAD. ALSO, NEED TO KEEP OUT SIX OR SEVEN T-SHIRTS TO SPREAD AROUND TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE.

THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN AD SALESMAN WITH THE NIGERIAN DAILY BEAST. IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:

(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS. ALSO, SAME INFORMATION FOR YOUR PARENTS IF YOU HAVE HAD TO MOVE BACK IN WITH THEM IN MID CAREER WHILE YOU RETRAIN WHICH IS NOBODY’S FAULT NOT YOURS NOT THEIRS. THEY WANTED YOU TO GO INTO LAW SCHOOL BUT YOU SHOULD NOT TELL THEM TO SHUT UP THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS.

(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS. IF YOU HAVE I-PHONE WE WOULD LIKE TO BORROW THAT. WE HEAR THAT NEW BEST WAY NOW OF GETTING THE BREAKING NEWS.

(C) YOUR BUYOUT DATE. IF IT’S TOO NEAR IN FUTURE, WE DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO START THIS PROCESS ALL OVER WITH SOMEONE ELSE. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW OFTEN THAT HAPPENS.

PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY. THERE HAS BEEN A MAN FROM CRAIGSLIST COMING AROUND.

BEST REGARDS.

AARON EWADAFE

AD SALES MANAGER

DAILY BEAST