Monday, May 22, 2006

Pabst's Hall of Fame

Comments: OK, here's my literary line-up card:
1-Philip Roth, SS (likely to get on base, never misses a ground ball)
2-Maxine Hong Kingston, RF (always moves the runner along)
3-Tennesee Williams, LF (power threat, deceptively quick on the bases)
4-Ernest Hemingway, CF (clean up - but strikes out as often as he homers)
5-Homer, 3B (name says it all)
6-Guy DeMaupissant, 2B (so ahead of the game he uses an aluminum bat, turns the DP with grace)
6-Karl Marx, 1B (Lefty with power, slow, but original)
8-John Kennedy Toole, C (calls a great game; Mom is his agent)
9-Will Shakespeare, Starting P (knows where to put his fingers on the stitches)

John Milton, Relief P (knows where the stitches should be)

Mgr: John Donne (fair former Minor Leaguer; great student of the game)
Hitting Coach: James Joyce
Spitting Coach: Ambrose Bierce
Pitching Coach: Dorothy Parker

Broadcast Team:
Play by play - Joseph Campbell (can imagine every possibility before it happens)
Color - Dante (knows when win=loss.
Broadcast Engineer: EM Forster

On the bench:
Joyce Carol Oates (good in a fight)
F. Scott Fitzgerald (not good in a fight)
Truman Capote
Herman Melville
Emily Dickenson (just kidding)
All the Brontes (not kidding)
George McDonald Fraser (look it up)
RM Koster (ditto)
Li Po
Laura Esquival
Anton Chekov

Team publicist: James Baldwin

Inside the Mascot Suit: Thomas Pynchon


Anonymous said...

Any roster without S. Clemens patroling the outfield and banging out the long ball pretty much as he pleases is no roster that will satisfy the requirements of history. No, more. It is an ignorant roster.

....J.Michael Robertson said...

Anomalous is correct. Brother Pabst said so to me himself not 36 hours ago. But Twain -- and the theatricality and conscious obscurantism of the name is of a contemporary sensibility -- is a catcher -- brainy, cynical to the point of despair.

Anonymous said...

And what about Nelson Algren, the man with the golden arm?

Anonymous said...

Mark Twain and the tools of ignorance? I don't think so.

....J.Michael Robertson said...

Clearly, neither of you has ever caught. Andy, put Otis back in the cell.